Kid overload - and loved every minute of it

So this week was the annual visit of my brother, sister-in-law, and the three kids. Anna's almost five, never stops talking unless she's eating or sleeping. Jacob's two, and all boy. Such a snuggler, though. Still hasn't gotten over his fear of Libby. And then there's Katie, just turned one, and melts my heart with those cheeks and big blue eyes.

It was an endless week of "Mommy, Jacob hit me!", tired temper tantrums, and peeing on the floor. I watched my sister-in-law take it all in stride, and admired her for how she handled the whole menagerie. I was most jealous because when the kids wanted a hug or snuggle, they ran to her, and I really wanted that feeling for myself. That little head buried in the crook of my neck, those little arms around me, those sloppy kisses on my face.

Each time I see a mother with her child, I always wonder if that will ever be me. Or will God say to me, "Nah, I don't think so - I'd rather you just deal with the screwed-up ones. No kids for you."

I know there are other options if it can't happen naturally. I also know that I should not be getting down on myself so much so early in the game. But the thought keeps lingering in the back of my head - will it ever happen for me?