One month to go

Today he is 11 months old. My little baby is one step closer to being a year old.

I don't know why I keep harping on this topic. It's not like he's going off to college in a month. He's just starting to pull himself up to standing.

Maybe I should talk about that. Maybe because it's so darn cute!!! He has figured out how to crawl to me, grab my shirt and pull himself up from there. And if we're sitting near the ottoman, he will make his way over on his knees and stand up from there. If that doesn't send my heart soaring, then the huge smile of triumph that covers his face definitely does.

The huge highlight of my week was hearing Ian giggle. His first real giggle, not the sqealey, almost hyperventilating sound that has up until now been his nap. It was such a beautiful sound. It actually brought Jay and I to tears.

Today was kind of traumatic for my poor Munchkin. I had to take him to the lab to get his 12-month bloodwork. I have no complaints about the phlebotomist; she was great with him. It just really sucked that the best time to bring him in happened to coincide with his morning naptime. That was the first strike against him. Then I had to hold him still - something he really does not like. Strike two. And then there was the search for a vein with the needle. Strike three.

Eventually, we got through it, a vein was found, and we were able to go on with our day. It was the longest 3o minutes of my life. Nothing hurts more than listening to your child cry and know there is nothing in that moment you can do to ease his suffering. I pray that I don't have to do anything like that for a very long time.

On an up note, I got a picture of Ian and Chelsea kissing. It is so adorable! It will be interesting to see what things will be like for these two as the years go on. Lord knows they will not live this photo down.

TRAINING UPDATE

Very slow progress. I only went to the gym once last week. Went today, did 30 minutes on the elliptical. Felt good, but I know that it's nothing like actually running. The weather is supposed to be good for the rest of the week, so my goal is to do my 25 minutes on the road twice. Little over a month left, so I have to really step things up so I don't look too ridiculous out there.

6 More Weeks

That's all that's left of Ian's first year. To sum up my feelings about that:

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

My baby is almost a year old! Soon, I won't really have the right to call him a baby anymore. He'll be a TODDLER. Such a daunting word. Makes me think of walking, and talking, and the need to babyproof the kitchen cabinets.

Then there will be potty training, and preschool and before you know it, he'll be starting Kindergarten. I shiver at the thought right now.

Instead, I'll just keep pictures like this in my head. ::sigh::




Training update
So yeah. Um. I've been sucking at this. On a definitive note: I officially signed myself up for the Run yesterday. Guess there's no going back now! So, for the most part, I'll be starting from scratch, hoping that I can stick to a plan for the next 8 weeks so that I can run the race without looking like a complete idiot.

I'm really bad at this

OK. I admit it. I stink at keeping a blog. It's not that I don't want to. There's something comforting about typing random thoughts to no one in particular. But each time I start, I get distracted. Maybe it can be my not-so-New Year's resolution to do a little better.

So anyway, enough of that. Back to writing about my Munchkin. Funny how the nickname I used for him all during my pregnancy hardly seems to fit now. Ian will be 10 months old tomorrow. In the last week, I have seen him do more things than I probably have in a month. Since last Saturday, he has not only figured out how to army crawl, but has become proficient enough at it that he can not only move around on the carpet, but the hardwoods as well. Batten down the hatches!

Then there's the babbling. REAL babbling. For a while, I thought that all my son was going to do was grunt and squeal. He would whisper cute little sounds when he was deep whatever he was doing, v's and th's mostly. Not the bababa's and gagaga's and definitely not the mamama's I thought he should be saying. But last night, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. Little "baybay's" were coming from him. Tonight, I was serenaded by louder "baybay's" accompanied by spewing food and water. I don't know about you, but I'll take beefy cheesy spitty baybay any day of the week!

Since Ian was born, Jay and I have taken pictures each month of Ian next to the hedgehog Jay won for him while on his Physics Six Flags trip a couple days after Ian was born. I plan on eventually making a scrapbook page of every month of Ian's first year, but I couldn't wait. So here are pictures from a few days old, 6 months and 9 months. My Munchkin is quite the little boy!

Ever wonder...

Ever wonder how it is that just when you think your child can't get any cuter, you wake up one morning and everything he does just makes you want to envelope him in a huge bear hug? That was Ian a few days ago. It started out like a normal Saturday. Ian woke us up at about 7:30am, like usual with his bright smile and bouncy ways. After that, everything was different.

He'd smile, I'd melt. He'd make a noise, I'd giggle. He would just sit there and play. I could not get enough of him!!!

I wish I knew what it was. Granted, I normally find him to be the love of my life (sorry Jay. I do still love you lots! :)), but that day was so unlike anything I had ever felt.

Other mothers of boys have told me there is a special connection that is unlike anything they've ever experienced. There's something about boys, they tell me, that is so different. I wonder if that's what it is. Anyone know?

Ah, progress

Ian didn't roll in any way until a day before he turned 7 months. I really was starting to think that his disposition was too laid-back for him to even consider moving anywhere.

Last week, he figured out how to roll to get what he wanted. And hasn't stopped. What's more, he's actually enjoying being on his tummy!

I love progress. And yesterday seemed to be the day for it. Dh told me yesterday that Ian got up onto his knees a little bit. Wahoo!!! And while he and I were playing in his room, he grabbed my fingers and pulled himself up to standing. Yippee!! Then, during dinner, he was able to pick up a puff in his pincer grasp and bring it to his mouth. Woohaa!

Can you tell I'm a proud mama??

It's amazing what an adrenaline rush it is to see your child do something new. Watching his face as it happens is priceless, too.

The one downside to all this progress: he's decided he really doesn't want to nap anymore. We're now lucky if we get 45 minutes in the am and pm. An hour? Better than we could hope for! I hope this is only a very SHORT phase. He's such a grump when he's overtired.


Training update
Thought I'd write about my quest to run a 5k here so that I could make myself accountable and not slack off. Training day #1 was yesterday. I actually went to the gym! I was feeling like crud, battling this cold, exhausted from lack of sleep the night before (dh also has said cold, and was hacking and sniffling all night), but I was a good girl and went anyway. It was actually good. I went 25 minutes of walking and jogging, and although I was sweaty and a little out of breath by the end, I didn't feel like I was going to die! Yay for not dying!!!!

Next training day will probably be tomorrow night after Ian goes to bed. He and I are off to my friend Jill's after I get home from work so that we can meet her new puppy, Sabre. I'm really going to push myself to get to the gym, even though 7pm is usually when I'm ready to cash it in myself. Here goes nothing!

Crawling - the next frontier. Maybe.

He's been sitting on his own since about 4 1/2 months. When you try to sit him down, he insists on standing. He's also doing pretty well just holding onto your fingers when he stands.

Crawling? Who knows.

I guess what he's doing now is pretty normal. He tries to scoot on his butt. Hasn't figured out, though, that you need to actually move your legs along with your butt to get anywhere. He's finally started rolling. It came slowly at first - just barely from back to tummy - that was a month ago. But in the last week he's really caught on, rolling all over the living room. And he's finally pushing up so that his tummy's off the ground.

I should be happy. Instead, I'm still feeling paranoid. I guess it's the worry I still feel because he was born early and so small. I keep worrying that somehow in the whole mess that was my last month of pregnancy, I screwed him up. He stopped getting bigger because of me. He came early because of me. What else did I do to him? This is the conversation I have with myself each time I hear about other babies his age. Those that are already crawling and pulling themselves up on things. Did I do something to keep him from being the same way?

Will I ever get over this feeling of guilt? I hope so. Otherwise, I'll need to get a hobby.

My quest begins Tuesday
So, I've been trying to come up with a way to get my baby weight and then some. I finally came up with a way. There's a 5k race that's been held in my area for many years called The Run for Women. It's a pretty big deal - world class runners make a point to run it every year. So I thought, why don't I?

Starting Tuesday, since that's the first day I can go to the gym because of Jay's schedule, I will start my training. I found a website that had a plan called "From the Couch to the 5k". Sounds good to me!

So, countdown to May 30th. Maybe I'll get a ticker in here or something. As soon as I figure out how to do it.

Cute moment of the day
We attended his friend Chelsea's first birthday party today. As we were leaving, we brought Ian and Chelsea close together to say goodbye. Daniella said to Chelsea, "Give Ian a kiss goodbye!" Before we knew what was happening the two of them put their heads and mouths together in what only can be called a baby kiss. Absolutely adorable! Totally melted my heart.

So much...

I look back at my previous posts. So much has changed. Not that I don't believe that THAT me existed, because I do. I definitely do. Sometimes little bits of her show up at the oddest moment.

That's what I started to write 4 months ago. I don't know why I didn't continue. Maybe I was tired, and thought I'd get back to posting later. Maybe Ian needed me for something. Who knows. I do remember what I was feeling at that moment, though. I felt like I was finally coming into my own as a mother.

Up until that point, I felt like I was flailing around, taking a stab at motherhood. Was I doing it right? Was I completely screwing up? Have I totally maimed Ian's psyche forever? Am I what Freud was talking about when all things relate back to your relationship with your mother? And then there was the endless weeping I did on Jay's shoulder every night. The fact that we're still married is a testament to that man's love and devotion to me.

Somehow, by the end of summer, I didn't feel so scared anymore. Amazingly enough, it took a weekend at my parents' to help me see what I needed to do. Don't know why - maybe it was the reassurance that I didn't have to be so serious about every little thing Ian was or was not doing. Being able to just enjoy him for who he was allowed me to let go and just let instinct take over.

And after that, I could see all the wonderful things Ian was discovering and doing. Granted, I still think there are times when Ian hates me, but that probably has more to do with his stubborn streak starting to come out and not anything I'm doing.

So much has changed.